Body Confidence in the Age of Constant Reflection (and Menopause)
I recently listened to a podcast by Mel Robbins, and something she said hit me hard: we were never really meant to see ourselves this much. She was talking about how, for most of human history, we didn’t spend hours a day looking at our own reflections. But now, between selfies, Zoom meetings, FaceTime, and social media, we’re constantly confronted with our image—often in unflattering lighting and from awkward angles.
And she’s right. It makes sense why so many of us feel more self-conscious than ever. We’re watching ourselves in real time, judging every wrinkle, every bulge, every perceived imperfection. And who really posts a “bad” photo? I know I don’t. I take one, two, sometimes ten photos, trying to find that perfect angle. I ask myself: Do I look tired? Do I look bloated? Is this outfit working? Nine times out of ten, I delete the photo anyway because it never quite feels “good enough.”
If I’m being completely honest, and this is not easy to admit- I’ve become more preoccupied with how I look as I’ve gotten older—not less. I always thought this part of life would come with more self-assurance, a kind of “take me or leave me” attitude. But in reality, going through menopause has challenged my body confidence in ways I didn’t expect.
My body is changing. The weight isn’t coming off like it used to. My skin feels different. My hair is thinning. I’ve gone from feeling strong and in control to wondering what’s happening to the person in the mirror. And when those changes are paired with a culture obsessed with youth, beauty, and curated images, it can feel like a double blow.
But here’s what I’m learning, slowly and imperfectly: my body is not betraying me—it’s transitioning. It was a long time ago, but just like puberty was a shift into womanhood, now menopause is a shift into a different kind of strength. It’s not easy. Some days I feel uncomfortable in my skin. Some days I long for the body I used to have. But I’m also starting to understand that confidence at this stage isn’t about looking the same as I did ten or twenty years ago. It’s about redefining what beauty and self-worth look like now. And I can tell you, I am really trying hard to lean into this new identity.
I want to leave behind the version of me who judges herself in every photo or cringes at her reflection on a Zoom screen. She’s tired. She deserves compassion. She deserves rest. And honestly? She deserves to be free.
So I’m choosing to see my body differently. To thank it for carrying me through sleepless nights, hormonal roller coasters, and decades of life. I’m learning to be kinder to her, even when she doesn’t fit the mold. Because maybe real body confidence isn’t about loving every part of ourselves all the time—it’s about accepting ourselves enough to live fully anyway.
To any woman reading this who feels a little lost in her changing body: I see you. You are not alone. This phase of life can feel disorienting, like a stranger in your own skin. You are still vibrant, valuable, and beautiful—maybe even more so. You are not less- you are becoming- still! As a licensed Clinical Behavioral Therapist and Intuitive Eating Counselor, I’m here to help you integrate these practices into your life. If you're interested in working with me, feel free to reach out at rachel@livehealthynyc.com