Lately, I’ve been wondering why I am always trying to improve myself.
I know better. I really do.
I’ve spent years helping people become more accepting of themselves, their bodies, their relationships with food, and the parts of themselves they wish they could change. I talk about self-compassion, mindfulness, slowing down, listening to your body, and letting go of the idea that we need to constantly fix ourselves.
And yet, I still catch myself doing it.
I’ll wake up and think about what I should be doing differently. Maybe I should exercise more. Eat a little better. Sleep more. Be more productive. Spend less time on my phone. Get more organized. Be more patient. Write more. Read more.
The list can go on forever.
And sometimes I laugh at the irony. After all these years of doing this work, I can still fall into the very same trap I encourage others to step away from.
But maybe that is exactly why I want to talk about it.
Because I have a feeling I’m not the only one.
We don’t always talk openly about the quiet ways we believe we should be better.
We might not call it self-criticism. We call it motivation. We call it wellness. We call it goals. We call it wanting to be our “best selves.”
But underneath it all can be a very subtle message: Who you are right now isn't quite enough.
I’ve noticed this especially as I’ve gotten older. There can be this strange pressure to manage aging, to do everything “right,” to take care of your body perfectly, to maintain your energy, your strength, your appearance, your health. There is always another thing I could be doing.
And some days, I find myself wondering: When do I get to just be?
I am not against growth. I don’t want to stop learning or changing. I want to keep evolving. I want to be curious about myself and open to what life teaches me.
But I’m beginning to see that growth and self-improvement aren't always the same thing.
Growth can come from curiosity.
Self-improvement can come from criticism.
Growth says, I wonder what I might discover.
Self-improvement can whisper, You should be doing better by now.
There is a difference.
Maybe this is why I’ve been thinking so much about the pressure we put on ourselves to always have something to work on.
What if we stopped treating ourselves like a project?
What if, instead of asking, What do I need to improve? We make the statement, I am actually doing okay.
What if I could have a messy morning, stay in bed longer, skip the workout, eat the cookie, change my mind, feel impatient, forget something, or simply do nothing.
Maybe there are parts of me that don’t need improving.
Maybe they just need acceptance.
I suspect many of us are carrying these same private struggles, the ones we don't necessarily post about or talk about at dinner. The worry that we aren't doing enough. The feeling that everyone else seems to have it figured out. The quiet belief that if we could just get a little more disciplined, organized, healthy, productive, or together, we would finally feel at peace.
But what if peace doesn't come from becoming better?
What if it comes from realizing that we were never broken in the first place?
That feels like something worth working on.