The Power of Being Direct—With Others and With Ourselves
I was talking with a friend recently about a project she had just wrapped up at work. She had poured weeks of energy into it—staying late, troubleshooting problems, and stepping in to help others when things got stressful. By the time it wrapped up, she was exhausted but also proud of what she had accomplished. What she really wanted was acknowledgment, a simple “thank you” or recognition for the ways she went above and beyond her role.
But here’s the part she struggled with: being direct enough to ask for that acknowledgment. Instead of voicing her need, she found herself waiting, hoping her coworkers would notice and speak up. When they didn’t, she felt frustrated and unseen.
That conversation stayed with me. It reminded me of how many of us find directness uncomfortable. Not the kind of directness that cuts people off or bulldozes through nuance, but the honest, grounded kind. The kind that says: Here is what I need. Here is what I want. Here is what feels right for me.
For many of us, that kind of honesty feels risky. We’ve been taught to soften our words, to pad our requests, to wait and see what others want before daring to express our own needs. We fear that being direct will make us come across as demanding, selfish, or “too much.” But I’m learning that directness—when it comes from a place of clarity and respect—isn’t selfish at all. It’s actually a gift.
Directness removes the guessing game. It clears the air. It allows for authentic connection. Without it, so much gets lost in the silence—resentment builds, misunderstandings multiply, and we end up feeling distant from one another when what we truly crave is closeness.
And here’s where it beautifully connects with intuitive eating.
When we practice intuitive eating, we are invited to be direct with ourselves. To tune in, notice what’s happening in our bodies, and name it plainly. Am I hungry? Am I full? Do I want something crunchy and salty, or soft and sweet? Do I need a full meal or just a little snack?
There’s no dancing around it. No “I should be hungry by now” or “I should pick the salad because it’s healthier.” Instead, there’s a clear, honest response: This is what my body is asking for right now.
It sounds simple, but this kind of honesty with ourselves can feel surprisingly vulnerable. Sometimes what we want surprises us. Sometimes it doesn’t match what others expect—or even what we expect of ourselves. Maybe you crave cereal for dinner when everyone else is having pasta. Maybe you’re simply not hungry at noon when the rest of the office is pulling out lunches. Directness in those moments means honoring what’s true for you, even when it doesn’t line up with the script.
Being direct with ourselves is also an act of trust. It’s saying: I trust my body to know. I trust myself enough to listen. And when we carry that kind of directness into our relationships, it becomes: I trust you enough to tell you the truth.
I think the two are deeply intertwined. If I can’t be direct with myself—naming my hunger, my needs, my boundaries—it’s much harder to be direct with others. But the more I practice honesty inwardly, the more natural it becomes to practice honesty outwardly.
Of course, directness doesn’t mean rigidity. Just like intuitive eating isn’t about perfection, directness isn’t about always knowing exactly what we need right away. Sometimes clarity takes time. Directness is simply about speaking plainly once we do.
In a world that often asks us to perform, please, or fit in, directness can feel radical. Yet it is also deeply human. Whether it’s choosing what to eat or choosing how to speak, being direct is a way of saying: I matter. My needs matter. My truth matters.
I’m curious—how does being direct show up in your own life? Do you notice a connection between speaking your truth and listening to your body? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. As a licensed Clinical Behavioral Therapist and Intuitive Eating Counselor, I’m here to support you. If you’d like to explore working together, feel free to reach out at rachel@livehealthynyc.com.